Senin, 27 April 2015

Three things I learned on this tour:

1. Flies can survive an awful long time in a microwave. I discovered this when heating milk for a poor man's cappuccino one hung-over morning. I didn't realise there'd been one in there until I opened the door and it flew out, continuing about its business seemingly un-nuked.

2. Having spent much time in the company of our esteemed drivers, I now know that the 1970s English sitcom "On The Buses" was in fact a documentary.

3. Matt, our front-of-house sound man, has the worst musical taste of any human being in history.

Sabtu, 25 April 2015

Drachten

Bit of a funny gig really, what with the mysterious and rather large stranger getting in my way at the side of the stage, the most feeble drunken stage invasion I've ever witnessed, and my utter conviction that I'd been belmed at for no good reason, knocking my chipper mood for six. It all came good in the end as it always does somehow, and thankfully the post-show shower was nice and hot. Dinner was lovely as well - top marks to the chef.

The ferry ride home from Zebrugge (much nicer than the Rotterdam boat) almost rivalled the now legendary Stockholm/Helsinki Viking Line crossing for sheer bizarre drunken tedium. This time we had loudly farting pensioners, cabaret turn Rocker-Fella sticking noodly guitar solos where they're least wanted in his you'll-never-guess-what-I'm-going-to-play-next set, and a hyperactive French version of the Kids from Fame leaping about the place. I also experienced what it feels like to eat the world's most disappointing pizza.

Turkey next week.

Kamis, 23 April 2015

Russia

Another flight at bollocks o'clock (or bollocks-hundred hours if you've done military service) in the morning from Heathrow meaning a through-the-night slog down the M6 from Heckmondwike via Liverpool. Basically you miss a night's sleep doing it this way, one you'll never get a chance to catch up on. I bet I missed some great dreams. The fatigue does make for quite a pleasant floaty feeling on the plane after a couple of ales though, and conveniently helps one overlook the rude behaviour of French fellow passengers (you know who you are Madame avec le gros cul). Mark (from Cornwall) quite sensibly booked himself a hotel room near the airport for the night so he's nice and fresh, the bastard. Now why didn't I think of that? Les was most impressed with Terminal 5, particularly the thoughtful inclusion of a bar right next to our boarding gate. I don't know how but we managed to shrink our check-in baggage tally to nine items from nineteen - a miracle of downsizing if ever I saw one, though Dan still carries with him a suitcase the size of a chest freezer. First time flying with British Airways for me - might as well have been EasyJet. Most unremarkable. Our Russian hosts met us at the airport. They are called Igor and Dmitri. It's like arriving in Scotland and being met by Jimmy McSporran. Perfect.

Selasa, 21 April 2015

Graspop

A nice mellow voyage to Zebrugge on the North Sea ferry for the band to play a blinder in a packed marquee, opening with a mighty rendition of Led Zeppelin's Kashmir. Afterwards I met someone who is kind of partially responsible for my being there. The gentleman's name is Biff Byford and his band is Saxon. When I was fifteen my uncle took me to see them play at Sheffield city hall. It was the first gig I'd ever been to. Not too long after that I bought my first electric guitar, and now I make a living travelling the world tuning and re-stringing the things. So I shook Biff's hand and said thanks. All he had to say in response was "Who are you?" It meant something to me though. I also met a very knackered Lips, lead singer with Anvil. He's just as nice a bloke in the flesh as he is in the highly entertaining documentary, "Anvil: The Story of Anvil".

Jamie was rather keen to show everyone his very smart yet curiously branded sunglasses which apparently he found in his car. Here's a photo of him wearing them (click for larger view):


How they came up with that name I've no idea, but I reckon they should team up with the company that makes the television we saw in Turkey. I'd buy shares in Arcelik and Knobbout.

Senin, 20 April 2015

Wurtzburg

Show number two of the German bit. We spent our day off after the Krakow show parked up at Auschwitz and took the opportunity to have a good look around, both there and at Birkenau (Auschwitz 2) a little way down the road. If you ever get the chance  go and have a look - it's a most sobering experience, and a reminder of how very close we are to quite staggering acts of inhumanity given the right (or wrong) set of circumstances.

Boredom kicked in big time in Leipzig the following day what with the lack of laptop, early load-in and having only one guitar to restring. Luckily we had ping-pong, pool and table football close to hand in the great little Anker venue. I had a bit of a kick around outside with a couple of the local kids as well, one of whom insisted on running home to get a present for me. He came back with a "Wales - Land of my Fathers" football scarf - a baffling gift I found quite touching. It was Dan's birthday but he didn't seem to chuffed to be another year older. Hope you had a good birthday mate.

Sabtu, 18 April 2015

Paris

A big show in the Elysee Montmartre, an old theatre somewhere in this great mess of a city with about fifteen hundred punters expected. Petter is a little nervous, bless him, so I reminded him that all guitarists are show-offs at heart and that he shouldn't have any trouble, being as sickeningly talented as he is.

I've found the perfect use for my Wales scarf, when Jay isn't draping it over his amp in an act of patriotic fervour that is (I thought the surname Cavanagh would have given him Irish ancestry). Anyway, I employ the aforementioned kneckwear as a handy hassock, making the act of kneeling to gaffer cables and pedals to the stage a far less arduous experience.

I write this on a laptop kindly loaned to me by our driver so posts should be a little more frequent for the rest of the tour. Cheers Tim.

Kamis, 16 April 2015

Eindhoven

Second of the Dutch dates and Les finally gets the office he deserves. You'll generally find him tucked away in some dingy, brutally lit hole in the bowels of any given venue, hunched in front of his laptop taking care of the intricate and demanding bureaucracy of touring. Not today though. In Eindhoven he is king of his domain, floor to ceiling windows bathing the workspace in drab autumnal light and providing a commanding view for those moments of relaxation and contemplation when the mind is free to ponder such things as Jack Daniels, cheap cigs and midi. So here's to you Les - keyboarder, tour manager, sound engineer, driver, bank, agony aunt, travel agent, arbitrator, arse-displayer, booze-touretter and all round sorter-outer. Enjoy it, you deserve it

Selasa, 14 April 2015

Treviso

Back at the New Age club where two years ago, if memory serves, Matt got rather hammered on red wine and vodka and as a result spent much of the day giggling like an idiot into the PA system. Talking of being hammered, a certain Norwegian singer/songwriter who shall remain nameless is currently on a period of probation after waking the hard-working crew on several occasions during the night with his debauched drunken behaviour. As a result ear plugs will from this moment onwards be referred to as "Anti-Petter Plugs" (ah, I wasn't supposed to name names now was I).

Earlier when we were setting up the stage, a single black sock fell out of a flight case, and out of that sock flew a moth. It was a moment of quiet poetic beauty that nicely broke up the drudgery of the tour.

It's driver Tim's birthday today so I expect we'll be having a few drinks in his honour later, and perhaps a whip-round for a present. It shouldn't be too difficult to find something for him - his two favourite things in the world are sports cars and breasts.

Minggu, 12 April 2015

Bucharest (part 1)

I write this on the bus as it makes its way towards our gig in Bucharest. It's currently seven pm local time and we're still a good fifty kilometres from our destination. The doors are already open to punters and the venue has a strict ten o'clock curfew. We left Budapest at two in the morning and have done what seems to be the equivalent of driving the length of the British Isles via the back roads. Seriously, we've been through some proper nutty terrain - village after remote mountain village of tumbledown shacks, the only indication someone's living in them being the lines of washing hanging outside. Cows are herded across the (very busy) roads, donkeys pull hay-filled carts and entire families wander along with little regard for the trucks thundering by mere inches from them. Add to that the suicidal overtaking manoeuvres attempted by local drivers and the manky stray dogs running out to attack passing vehicles and you've got one seriously uncomfortable ride.

Jumat, 10 April 2015

Bucharest (part 2)

We got there alright, setting the stage in record time in front of a sizeable and impatient crowd. We had to pack down pretty sharpish afterwards as well, the stage being required for the Romanian equivalent of Fat Boy Slim or somesuch. We were in the venue for a grand total of four hours and now we have to negotiate the same roads again (but with the added twist of it being dark and foggy) as we make our way to Sofia for the band's first ever show in Bulgaria.

Home soon. Mine's a pint of Landlord.

Rabu, 08 April 2015

Happy 2011



2010 ended a bit weirdly really, what with the mini tour of Ireland which for me was broken up by the funeral of a friend. We then had a charity show for the poorly kiddies in Liverpool and all of this was only a few days before the massive pig-out that is, at least in my calendar, Atheist-mas. What I will say though is that despite the entire British Isles being crippled by snow and ice and all major airports being full of disgruntled, stymied, would-be passengers we managed to take a tour bus across to Ireland (by means of the roughest ferry crossing I've yet encountered) and drive around unhindered for three days. Leaving everyone behind in Belfast I flew (with only half an hour's delay) to Exeter and then from there to Manchester a couple of days later. I then took a coach to Liverpool and rejoined the bus which dropped me off the day after just in time for me to catch a train back home. I really don't know what all the fuss was about.

Happy New Year from all (i.e. me) at Das Bunk.

Senin, 06 April 2015

Rennes

Back in the Antipode where I did sound for Ruby Throat a couple of years ago and we seem to have arrived in the middle of a cigarette smoking convention. Also, rather worryingly, the catering lady puked into a waste paper bin while preparing our sandwiches. Things have been a little subdued of late - the dressing room in Caen was rifled and laptops, wallets and phones were taken. Still, last show today and everyone seems pretty chipper, if a little hung over.

Jumat, 03 April 2015

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